It also sounds as though you are comparing yourself to other girls who you feel have more sexual experience than you...and that you find this intimidating (so did I)...but just remember, they may not have, anyone can act confident....I know when I was younger I used to let people think I had what at the time I thought was the "normal" amount of sexual experience for my age....when in fact I had no experience at all...the difference being....I was secretly quite happy with that fact....I didn't mind waiting for the right person, that's what I wanted to do (but I just didn't want to be laughed at by other girls so I kept it to myself...and I've often wondered if other people do).

It's as though you feel that finding love and being in a relationship is dependent on being able to win this sex competition...ie be better at sex and better looking than all the other girls...but it really isn't...would you even want a relationship with a man who was that shallow....? When you find someone who you really want to be with, he will love you for you....just get to know guys, forget about sex for the time being as it sounds as though you are putting way too much pressure on yourself...

When you do meet someone you would like to have a sexual relationship with...don't rush into it...be honest that you are inexperienced....they will most likely be flattered that you have chosen them....you get good at sex by communicating with your partner....not by practising on tons of other people who meant nothing to you or who just used you and running the risk of getting an STD while your at it....and for what to have a whole bunch of experiences you regret that pushed your anxiety levels sky high all because you see not wanting to jump into bed with every other guy as some sort of psychological problem.....?

I think it's really sad that we have reached a stage in this society where a young girl in her twenties would even entertain the idea that needing to take things slowly in a relationship is some sort of mental health issue....only thirty years ago people used to worry about sex in almost the opposite way...ie they'd want reassurance that they hadn't committed some kind of mortal sin for so much as daring to sleep with someone they weren't married to (not that we should go back to those days because it was ridiculous....I'm a big believer in freedom).

Feminists fought for us to have freedom sexually (and so we should) and it's fantastic that we can now have sexual relationships and feel good about them...and that we are no longer shunned by society just because we have had a baby without being married....and we're no longer called names just because we've had a lot of sexual partners....but they didn't fight for us to feel under enourmous pressure every time we so much as go on a date with someone....or to feel we need to rush into sexual relationships we do not feel comfortable with for fear of losing the guy if we don't....or that our self worth and value in relationships all hinges on how good looking we are and how great at sex we are....

You have freedom....it's your body....value yourself and believe that you are worth being loved for who you are...then when you choose to have a sexual relationship with someone your confidence in that area will grow as you will be able to discuss your anxieties with that person...and build on your confidence sexually by communicating with each other....have fun with it....find out between you what feels good and what doesn't. This will take the anxiety out of it...sex is supposed to be fun....

A lot of people feel like this because of the media and that we are bombarded with this idea that we are nothing unless we look like glamour models and are at it like porn stars from as young an age as possible....but what about love....what about self esteem....what about just dating, getting to know someone and having a relationship that has a good solid foundation there based on mutal love and caring about each other....

You say you have had this problem since early puberty when you started to have sexual feelings...but you had this fear....it's natural to have these feelings when you start to reach your teenage years....and it's also natural to have some anxiety about who you let into your sexual world....so the fact that you were curious about sex yet reticent about who you would trust to have a relationship with is perfectly normal....I bet EVERY woman felt like that because obviously we have sexual needs but we also have a need to protect ourselves physically and emotionally....because not all men are nice....

But there are so many nice guys out there who would love to be with you...you just haven't found the right one yet....guys who would be happy to take things slowly and to develop a relationship with you before you even think about whether you would both like it to become sexual...I know it's old fashioned but guys really respect girls that don't rush into sex....also it makes you seem more attractive and more appealing to them...because during that time...sexually your a bit of a mystery....and as time goes on they are to you as well so that attraction becomes a lot stronger and more meaningful than it would if you had have just jumped right into bed together.... those feelings become stronger to the point of being all consuming....plus the fact that you have a genuine friendship and a relationship built on genuine love and trust....don't forget some guys are inexperienced as well...and they get nervous sexually especially when they are with someone they really want to impress....

Sex is part of being human...but being inexperienced and nervous when you get into a new relationship and overcoming it is also part of being human...none of us are born sexually confident....it just appears that way as while people talk about sex....it's still taboo to admit to not being that confident etc.