The closer my t gets to understanding me the more my mind defends against it. It's like I can barely hear what she is saying to me over the chaos and noise in my own head. I just wonder when it will feel like a real partnership. I feel like a lump. I feel like my soul has all ready died and I'm hopeless.

the reactions to my emotions when I was young were to mock, criticize, get angry at, to guilt, or ignore... So I learned that I had to hold them in. But that fear is so repressed that I don't even feel it and I don't know where my emotions are.