Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiritRunner
that's true.
you can stop and ask yourself (me asking myself, here) why am I feeling adversarial here, why am I getting into my defensive fighter's stance, and what I am really fighting here? the other person presumably pushing me, am I reacting to them doing that or just perceiving them as doing that ....... or am I really pulling away so something in me doesn't get pressed/pushed/exposed/criticized/condemned/controlled or even, god forbid, changed?
I get adversarial too.....but no one really MAKES me be that way; no one chooses for me to be that way except for me. It's one of my coping mechanisms, one of my old survival tools ...... only I need to learn that many times it comes out, the situation isn't really a battle situation that calls for that tool to be used or that stance to be taken.....
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Of course, I totally agree with you. I might go on to add, however, that even if someone is deliberately pushing you, or even outright accusing you of something, even then, there is no need to assume a hostile stance. It may, in fact be wholly counterproductive to do so.
I know I have certainly found that effective communication really only takes place if I can get myself out of the way. I bring a whole host of baggage to the table, as does the other person, and, as such, everything gets filtered, interpreted, and ultimately judged.
Even the most hostile attacks may hold a bit of truth in them - some nugget of truth about myself or the world that I didn't realize. You've just got to ignore the medium so to speak and hear the message.
I also know that I have missed a lot of opportunities because I got in my own way. It was a shallow, immature, and unwise way to live.
I'll never stop that gut reaction to things. It's like trying to stop a train. I'm getting much better though at ignoring it.
See, right now, some may think I'm being pedantic and know it allish.
True. Sorry about that.