yeah, the gut reaction, the inner emotional response/instinct, remains....there is something indelible that can't or isn't necessarily going to be changed in us, but the outward reaction CAN be changed. sometimes, where I get derailed though is condemning myself because that gut reaction is still in there, and I start thinking, ohmygod, I am just as bad as I ever was, I haven't/can't change, same ol' defect, same ol' nasty defective beeotch ...... that is being hostile to myself, and I guess I have to learn to stop THAT adversarial reaction to myself, to my own emotions/feelings/thoughts. I think sometimes the thing is accepting that the inner depths of who you are/your personality/your emotional tendencies, etc may remain ..... while learning better ways to deal with/use/counteract those in communication/relations with others ..... that's what CAN change.
no, I don't think you sound pedantic/know it all ish ...... I think you are speaking from the voice of experience and with tact.
now, sometimes I react to my H because he DOES sound that way to me .... and he is sometimes; he can sound like an exasperated parent telling a teenager what he thinks should be so clear and simple! But sometimes that's just my reaction to what I perceive, not to what is. Or even, my reaction to myself, as it were ......because I am well aware I DO sound know-it-all and smarta$$ sometimes, even to myself.....but I feel resentful having the tables turned perhaps when I think someone else sounds that way to me.
sometimes I wonder if there really is reality.....or if it's just perception on each side and reality is something not quite seen because of the perceptions, layers of perception, judgment, reaction, instinct....or if reality is actually a combination of all the layers of perceptions, etc.
but then, our perception is reality to us.....a subjective reality, but a reality, nonetheless. so the trick might be trying to be objective about our own subjective perceptions, as well as understanding that others' perceptions of themselves/us is also subjective, and being objective about THAT, and balancing our reactions (and our reactions to our reactions) accordingly.
all right, now that I've twisted myself into a mental pretzel, I'm going to stop and go to the gym.