I can relate granite. In a sense I want T to notice because that proves she cares. To me, care often relates to worry. If someone is worried about me and whether I'm going to be ok. Not in an attention seeking way, that's just how I've learned to recognize care. So in that weird way of wanting her to notice, I would have to provide something for her to notice. Now of course I'm not going to go out and flaunt it, I will keep it very covered up so it's pretty unlikely that she would notice. Maybe I hope she can just tell.

But the other half, like mentioned above, is that having someone in the world know about what I do brings up a lot of emotions that I don't like