i am sorry for being a grouch tonight..

plenty of things are going on in my life that are negative, and its been absoultely the worst for me, and i have my period which is not helping me at all.

for the past few months, i have cut very badly, puked after any food fillings, starved myself, thinking about suicide, going through abuse with my dad which is a long story, thinking about past events in my life like my so called rape-my perverted pedifile ex uncle who lives right next door to me till this day, my cousin who i thought i was close with got a federal arrest in TX who was a texas tech student if anyone heard on the news for having over 4000 pics and 75 vid. of minors---hes serving 50 years and 75000 bail which is like the second biggest case in the country i think so far, i have been paranoid like crazy, hallucinating and delusions more often, my thinking is all distorted--i have tests/quizzes/worksheets at school that make absoultely no sense so i fail everything--and its usually when im having a mental break down so idk whats that all about, ive been severely depressed in general although ive been manic every 10 min of the day then depressed, on top of it.i have been struggling with my sexulaity more and more so to the point where now ive gotten so depressed im trying to be someone who im not and its bothering me alot...im also anxious around people but i can talk comfortbaly, etc...i want to cut right now soo badly but its too freaking hott outside for cuts on my arms right now.......heh.

anyways, ive been too stressed out lately and i do apologize for my rudeness earlier tonight (my post.). i do want to stay in PC so i think i will, idkk. lifes a *****hhhh right now what can i say, i feel like complete dog crapp.

again, im sorry everyone------

deb.