Wow ColourBars, it sounds to me like you have not really been validated as a person and this goes way back. And what your family expresses about people who are meant to die and not exist, well, that is an awful way to think or discuss with a child as well.
That is something a person I knew to be a narcissist would say because after all they are godly and should be simply adored by all somehow.

ColourBars, this therapist that you are seeing is there to HELP you, not to JUDGE YOU. And you are doing yourself a great dis-service by not allowing your therapist to know you so he/she can help you. You are paying this person to do this, it is their job and their choice to do this in their life as well.

If you struggle to say it out in therapy, then you should make a copy of your posts here that discusses your core issues and allow your therapist to just read them so you can get to work on this instead of continuing to work on invalidating yourself.

Please, you have to find the courage to open up somewhere, and if you can do it here, that is good start and any of the people that have come to post to you would all agree that you DO deserve to get the help you need.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes