Well, I few months back I started being unable to leave my apartment. It got harder and harder to leave until one day it just became impossible, really. I think it all started a little before Easter or somewhere around there.

One day I did attempt to go to partial. I didn't cancel or anything. Well, when the transportation van got here I boarded and all. Well, the van is usually jam packed. I had a small panic attack. After the long ride, I got to partial. I was ok in the main room where everyone sits at the tables. The first group was really unbearable. I had a major panic attack. I mean all those people...in a small space...too close together...all in a circle. I tried everything to keep my calm...but ended up having to sit backwards to prevent myself from completely flipping out and screaming, crying, etc. It was that bad for me. I was shaking, couldn't stay still, couldn't even breathe. My chest felt like it was exploding. I got tears in my eyes and everything.

Nobody is supportive there. They don't talk about anything important at all. It's just bad. I need so much more intensity than they can give.

I had previously talked to the pdoc and she said I needed to stay and just come more often. She won't let me leave it seems. I got more out of individual therapy, actually.

Actually, I don't leave the apartment anymore unless my bf or my dad is with me. Otherwise I refuse to leave at all. I don't see the point in it. Can't go...just can't.