So, I am married to my wonderful husband who I met when we worked together in college. We've known each other 7 yrs and got married summer 2010. My husband is an amazing man...one of those you don't think really exist ( @ least here in the US). He is kind, gentle, loving, handsome, hardworking, a good son, good brother, and Good Husband.
I am a depressive, possible BP, BPD, ASPD, yadda, yadda, yadda "starving artist" currently recovering from a Paxil-kidney stone and Paxil withdrawal ( cuz wtf wants more kidney stones?!).
I love love love my husband...but am having trouble understanding some of his ideas about sex. He was raised by a hardcore Christian fundamentalist family and even though his own spiritual beliefs are non- Christian, Carlos Castaneda-style god= energy beliefs, he still carries a lot of shame and insecurity about sexuality.
Er, just the facts ma'am:
He has a 2- day rule where he feels that 2 days after sex his whole " flow" is thrown off. If he has a bad day, let's responsibilities slide, it's always because it's "Day 2."
Also, he says he "has to" smoke after sex. He smokes Molies (weed+tobacco bongrips) which are incredibly bad for you
Every time he has a Day 2 meltdown or starts smoking again, I feel awful and guilty. it seems having sex does only bad things for my husband
For a long time I felt the Day 2 thing was his way of labeling the shame, and perhaps regret? he feels after having sex...perhaps a throwback to the no-sex Christianity of his childhood?
But, I also recently read that many cultures consider semen to be a sort of "magic mojo juice" that gives men power and drive, and often men do experience a "draining" feeling after ejaculation...i.e. giving away the "magic mojo juice". Many athletes practice abstinence before competing as a way to focus their sexual energy towards athletic performance....hmmm.
In my Paxil withdrawal, my sex drive has come back with a VENGEANCE, and I want so badly to take care of these impulses with my husband...but it seems to only ruin his days
What should I do?
I just watched an episode of "Strange Sex" that dealt with "sexual anorexia" and I'm afraid my husband may be sliding in that direction: denying himself sex because at some point in his life, sex became associated with badness...
Ps. He's def. not gay or cheating: when it does happen, it's fantastic for both of us
Pps. Sorry if this is TMI or inappropriate...I'm just being honest old me