My life is also a mess. I am new to the forum and just needed to vent. I understand what you are going. I am living the same life and I am thinking of leaving my husband after 38 years of marriage. I am sure that I will have to leave the area so that he will not find me. I must leave a job that I love. I am a teacher and I love the area. But I do not feel safe and I am at my wits end.