granite, I'm so sorry using your words is so hard. of course, it's going to feel painful to you ....... but really, you ARE being brave, doing the right thing in learning to use them, and your T, even though you're mad at her right now for pushing you some to use them, is doing the right thing for you, too.
and you're making progress....I see you using your words and perceiving your feelings/thoughts and what's going on in you much better here than you did last year!
if your T thought you were revolting or any of the other words you used, would she have kept working hard with you to help you all this time? your T is trying hard.