granite, the healing aspect of therapy is that we tell our Ts what we think are terrible, disgusting, awful things about ourselves and then our T simply accepts us and show us that we are none of those things we thought. It takes time for it to sink in. Your T will have to earn your trust very slowly. But, believe me, she does not think you're disgusting at all. She is probably very proud that you have started to use your words.

There are times when I have told my T things that I thought were terrible, and wondered how I could go back and face her. She said that the only way I can get better is if I'm honest with my feelings. Our Ts want to help us. That's all they want. They don't want to judge or criticize us.

Even though some of us are allowed to email our Ts, in no way does that replace talking face to face with them. I know how hard using your words is for you. It will get easier as time goes on.