i don't think what you said sounds stupid at all... i have next to no coping mechanisms for stress, anxiety, anger, etc, etc... because for so long (most of my life since my initial diagnosis) i self-medicated... whenever i got bad off, i'd drink or take pills or cut myself so i didn't have to feel... so i didn't have to deal... i quit drinking/cutting/abusing pills four years ago.. and since then, when i haven't been well... my coping mechanism has been to just shut down.. which is really more of a cop out on life than a coping mechanism...

it's overwhelming.. i feel like a kindergartener on my first day of school with this bipolarness inside me... i don't even know where to start to build effective coping mechanisms... but i know i have to... i know it sucks in the mean time & there are times where... i don't so much have the thought that i don't want to feel... rather... i don't want to be... totally different from being suicidal... just... sometimes desperate for a break from all of it... just want to crawl into a deep, dark hole.. pull a rock over that hole.. and disappear for a while until i'm better enough to deal with life... i've never put it in those words before... but basically, i want to turn off my feeling/processing and just... DECOMPRESS...

so yeah, what you said doesn't sound stupid to me... not at all...