Plutonian, again I commend you for continuing to come here & declare your determination to fight this difficult addiction. Today's h is monstrous. I want to tell you though, that I have not heard you yet acknowledge my questions about whether you're actively going out and doing anything to help yourself such as:
--get support (AA/NA meetings, counseling, an AA or NA sponsor)
--make a plan (12-step program, any self-help style progressive goal program)

You avoid even mentioning this. You talk about how busy you are. (I'm sorry, a lot of people don't have time for their problems but we still have to keep our problems.)

You tell us that nothing works for you anymore. Then in today's post you say, "Sometimes it just seems that it's easier to return to drug use and then once I'm back to using, I remember why I quit in the first place, but by then I've stepped too far back into my addiction."

Sometimes? Well, you just put a big grin on my face.

Pretty much every problem I've come up against since I quit drinking would have been easier to deal with in the moment with a nice bottle of single malt liquor, but I don't seem to have any Easy-Way-Out cards left in this lifetime.

I was really, really slow to accept your request to befriend because I had a feeling I wasn't going to be very nice to you. I think you're wanting to quit using but maybe not able to do anything yet. I'm not sure you ever will, because your time for self- honesty may be past.

Make that list madisgram recommended. It might help.

Roadie