I can relate. I have recently been diagnosed Bipolar 2 and adult ADD. I fought the Bipolar and the ADD part of it..lol.. I fought it all. They gave a really big test and many smaller ones. I needed BOTH my Psychologist AND my Psychiatrist to tell me before I accepted it. I know, and have always known I was messed up. It really is amazing what we can get used to. I always thought I was just too broken. I gave up a long time ago. I really didn't even care anymore, but I have a very, very smart and persistant wife. It took 12 years of marriage for her to get through to me! Hold onto stories of the things that have happened to you. It really helps me. I often think everyone is making too big of a deal of everything, and that I am really ok. Sometimes I think maybe i am just doing this to myself and i really can't imagine this is actually happening. Then the patterns start again and I go on the rise, the elevated side and for a couple days i remember. It really scares me. I am bipolar 2.. I really really hurt for the victims of full blown mania!!!!!! But when I even out... it feels surreal. the same for the downswings too, but those are ALWAYS justifiable. In the end, i know it's a control issue with me! It is really scary for me to not try and control things, but when I do I destroy them. This leaves me vulnerable. Really, really vulnerable. This, and the fact I know what I think is normal... really is not! These are the things I have to deal with, but I thought by sharing them it might help you out. I really hope you can get some perspective on your situation. Sometimes it feels like that's all I have, and I tend to spin out of control without it. Good luck to you!