You are on a quest... I wish you the most luck. I know what it is like wondering what exactly is wrong. I fought my diagnosis because I wanted... NEEDED to be sure. I really made both my psychologist and my psychiatrist work for it! In hindsight, it was a selfish thing to do, and probably self destructive, but I know the importance of knowing and I am really sorry you don't know. If it helps you, you might look at the symptoms of adult ADD. That is what I have, along with Bipolar two. They are really similar is some ways and it can even occur with agitation, mania and self destructive habits. I wish you well and hope you can find the answers you are looking for. If you think you may have something like this then don't ever give up looking for a psychiatrist on a sliding scale or ANY resource you can find. I really hope you find something, anything that will help you.