sorry to have neglected my thread for a few days. I'm reviving it to say thanks again for all the replies. Spiritrunner, you are so spot on. We (ex-T and I) are not safe for each other. It seems almost laughable to me that I would have that figured out before she would, but it is clear enough to me now.

In some particularly strong moments I am able to accept that perhaps the way therapy ended for me was the only way it could have ended. Even if I had questions, misgivings, deep down, I would have kept going there and beating my head against a wall, so strong is my desire to hold on to people in my life.

I struggle with that acceptance, though, because it feels like excusing what ex-T did, and I'm not ready to do that. That I have survived this, that I have learned and grown through it, is not something I want to give her credit for. It feels like those are accomplishments I made in spite of how she bunged this whole thing up, and not because of it, if that makes sense. Yes, there is some anger there still, obviously.