T and I have been working together for many years. We know each other well. He knows I haven't been doing well and has suggested the hospital.
For many reasons,I can't go inpatient. I have been very suicidal lately and T knows this. My sui feelings have progressed to the point where I know what I'm going to do and how to do it. I know he will ask. I've never lied to him before but this time, I don't want to be saved. There is nothing to be saved for. He will react as any T would do if I tell him. I have no support at home. They are disgusted with me and find it an inconvenience for me to get inpatient care, yet they hate to see me depressed because it brings them down. There is so much they will never understand. They have no patience with me any more.
Rather than be alive to listen to them all ***** at me, I'd rather go the other route. Maybe I shouldn't go to T if I have to lie. What would you do?