What if the mother wasn't right, though? You said yourself that you were afraid and wanted her to go away. I think that fear can certainly outweigh compassion. And, how are you supposed to feel compassion towards someone that would treat you so horribly?

As far as not feeling anything about the death of your Grandpa - well, perhaps you were too overwhelmed with being afraid or had simply stopped feeling because of the home environment. Or, maybe, you just weren't close enough to your Grandpa to really feel the impact of his death. I know that when both of my grandfathers passed, I was sad, briefly, but they'd been sick for a while, and I wasn't super close to them. So, their deaths did not have a significant emotional impact on me...and that's okay.

I truly believe that everyone can feel compassion, but that everyone feels it differently. Think about your life now...ignore your interactions with the mother. If one of your kids was hurt or sad or sick, do you/did you feel for them, want them to feel better, want to help them? That's compassion. What about when a friend is upset or worried - wanting to help them or feeling sympathy for them is compassion. What about when people on PC post and are upset - wanting to reply with reassurances is compassion.

Perhaps you can't feel compassion for yourself, but I bet your T can help you learn how.