Thanks everyone
a sincere apology is the best i can do. but i don't know, something about walking up to people and start explaining the mental state i was in feels useless, especially if its been going on for months or years.
i'm a college student so i live in a pretty social environment. the whole time i was there all i did was try to be invisible. many people took that personally. or thought it was arrogance or something. even when i'm not trying to, i'm pushing people away.
but yeah, as you can see i do worry about what other people think, at least if they feel hurt because of something i did.