granite, I'm sorry you endured such sad, awful things. you weren't treated with compassion, you didn't get to see it in others toward you, so it's not hard to see why you would be unsure what it should look/feel like. but like stopdog said, you have shown compassion to others here ..... concern/care/empathy. this says a lot about you and how you have risen above what you endured, to have that capability. it really is in you, granite.
my first T said I was able to have compassion for others, and that I needed to have the same compassion for myself. I had no idea what that would look like.....I'm still learning......
as far as Ts acting compassionate vs really feeling compassionate, I think you could tell the difference between what is fake and what is genuine.....and I simply prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt, that the compassion is real. as far as your T goes, I'm not there to see what's in her eyes or hear the tone in her voice, but from what you have shared of her, I think she/her compassion is real.