I really, really really appreciate hearing about all of you. I came on today to clarify what I had said, but I feel like somehow you understood what I was saying. I shouldn't be posting right now and after this I will wait. I was going to clarify and share last night. How I was almost yelling in the driveway while talking with my wife. How I was bouncing around and talking so stupid like. I did not have anxiety last night. Without that I did not realize I was doing that. I made myself lay down and had to listen to my wife cry... saying I went away again. But I didn't!!! I was right there!!! I was right there and she couldn't see me! and she cried and I wanted to hug her and show her I did not leave. But I couldn't! How f'ing stupid is that! I really really could not understand. All the emotions I felt before, they were different. Everything was. I shut off. I shut off and we did not fight. All I could do is watch everyone reacting around me. I feel cursed. I really do. I feel cursed to hurt everyone that I love. No matter what I do. I am sorry to sound this way. I will wait to post anything more. I read in another thread about not posting when feeling this way. I will listen to that now.