I've been on medical leave from my job. I called my boss this morning and said I wouldn't be returning to my job. I went and cleaned out my locker without saying a word to anyone. I've been there almost 5 years. I have no other job lined up. My leave is up in 3 weeks, which means no more benefits, no insurance. I need to figure out what to do. I feel paralyzed to do anything. I feel like there's a ticking time bomb on my shoulder and I wish it would just go off and destroy me so that it would be over with. I have sat here at the computer today and I can not even apply for one single job. There are so many variables involved. It just makes me sick. I feel trapped. I know that no one here can solve it for me. I am unable to solve it for myself either. I will see T tomorrow and will try yet again to communicate what is going on. Despondent is how I feel.