Is she in counceling alone? Since she is willing to support you medically and finacially she has not cut you off completely. With that said now is the time for you both to look at the marriage deeply. It was last wekend it all came crashing down. If it had not how would you feel? Were their feelings for this other person good that you would have not left her to return to your wife? Is this how your wife of 20 years looked at it, the one you left her for, for the new one, Is she assuming if the new gf wanted you back would you go back? Not trying to sound callous, just asking questions from the wife's point of view. You are doing what you can in hopes it will help her to see things in a different light. The major thing is that this is so recent, the breakup, the hospitaization. That alone would make your wife think that since you were hospitalized as the result of the breakup with the girlfriend you were showing your wife how much you felt for the latter. Not blaming you, this is from the prespective of your wife and her thinking. You know it will take time. As you suggested in my post counceling, seperate and joint therapy will have to be a start. If she is willing to attend joint therapy for you both and after a period of time for her to possibly regain any trust at all then there is hope. Pushing the issue with her is more damaging. Ask her for the therapy for you both, take small steps, but let her know you made mistakes and are willing to do what it takes, step back give her time.