Aww hun, I feel you on the no parent thing. Losing my dad made me realize how absent my mom has been my whole life, so I also don't want the no contact deal, and just trying to accept her unavailability and no hugs rule.
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Don't apologize for ranting, does you mom atleast acknowledge how she affects you? Coz then maybe you guys could work on agreeable boundaries, eg, no saying x to my kids...
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I'll be here for as long as you need to talk.