Thanks geez, openeyes, and everyone for your thoughtful responses... I'm glad to have this place to come to and I hope I will one day be able to offer some advice to others.

I have a question though, nothing feels real to me, like my T barely feels real to me, certainly I don't feel an attachment. I have trouble saying her name I don't know it's like I am scare to believe thatpeople are real... How can I develop a relationship when I'm like this? Should I tell her this? I think she probably all ready knows? What should I do all the time when I just feel like an empty nothing object? How do I get in touch with myself? I think I'm schizoid or what I've read about the 'schizoid position'. I feel so far gone. I don't know. I don'tknow what willbe a solid step forward... Sorry to keep with this I just feel so uncertain.