Dolphin, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had a magic wand to help take it all away. That sounds so scary and really really painful.

I wish I had wisdom and more to share, but all I know is that (for me) going to my P/T, writing here on PC (especially about the really hard stuff when I am literally afraid after I post), and doing my journal work helps alot.

Have you spoken with your P/T regarding your difficulties sleeping? I went through many nights without proper rest, too, and finally reached out and was able to take something to help me sleep. The sleeping aid I took, though, stopped "working"...

Before, I would go to sleep (happily) because I knew I wouldn't have to think about or deal with anything painful or scary for hours. It was a refuge from the storm. However, the memories managed to break through anyway Meh.

Lately, I find, the more I am dealing with things, the less I am sleeping (I am averaging 3 to 4 hours a night too and am trying to ride it out)

I experienced night terrors for awhile,too. I was terrified and alone and had no one to talk to. I didn't know what to do, so I reverted...I went straight to the coffee house ...

This part is sooo embarrassing *but true. I did it! ... I saw 2 police officers having their morning coffee and asked to sit with them for a few minutes -because it was the only way I could figure out how to feel safe. I realized how concerned they were about me - and they even told me "we are always right here. We are only 5 minutes away." - but I was too embarrassed to tell them why I asked to sit with them.

That is how I feel with my T (my touchstone and voice of reason) and here...there is someone here just 5 minutes away. I hope you feel that way, too.