Dear T

Four days down. Five to go. Reporting for duty

Noticed myself missing you more today, though still very bearable. I'm mainly finding that you're quietly 'there' all the time, but I'm not actively thinking about you. I wonder if this is how L feels when you go to work? It was nice to go to the dentist this morning- she asked how you were and we had a mini chat- it was just nice to be able to talk about you to a real person instead of only online. And there was some connection in knowing that we both retch horribly at the x-ray bite thingies

I forced myself out of the house today even though I was in tears, and it helped. Ended up getting lots of work done and haven't stopped for the day yet. I'm proud of that. As I walked home I blasted a cheerful song and spent a good five minutes imagining my wedding. Further decline into craziness, since I don't even have a partner let alone a fiancee? Or positive visualization-a step towards making it a reality? I'm going for the latter- spending a happy five minutes visualising my wedding can't be more harmful than the 20+ minutes I seem to spend each day imagining my completely empty future, complete with the many obstacles which could prevent me from ever getting married.

Love you. Don't forget me. Come home soon x