your level of self-awareness will only increase as you learn to live with the diagnosis... and don't worry, none of us listen the first ... thousand times... we're told by someone on the outside "you're manic"... we've all made mistakes and broken relationships... all you can do is get up again the next day & do the best with it that you can... learn from your past mistakes and expect that you will make more in the future...

next time your moods swing, see if you notice any physiological cues that go along with the mental shift... in the future, you may notice that your body will let you know when you're getting ready to cycle up or down...

in an effort to not be obscure i will give an example... for me, i really feel it in my muscles.. a wound up tension beyond words building when mania or hypomania is coming.. and a deep heaviness about myself when depression is starting to take hold... being tuned in to those cues usually gives me enough of a "heads up" to brace myself... and those around me... for the swing that's coming..

granted, i may not be able to stop the swing, but i usually do what i can to temper its effects & limit how far i swing in one direction or the other.. and because i'm more self-aware when it's happening, i'm better able to monitor what i'm saying/doing & how it's affecting those closest to me...

don't lose hope... there are tools that can help you manage your bipolar disorder and live without a constant fear of the next mood swing (and its consequences)... just takes time to learn how to best interpret & respond to the changes in your brain chemistry...