My wife is in counseling with a religious adviser, I think every two weeks. I can't see my therapist while I'm in the intensive outpatient program for insurance reasons, but I will be going back as soon as I'm released from the IOP. I've been out of the hospital for a week now. Yes, the hospitalization was a direct result of the breakup. I crashed severely when it sank in that this person I had turned my life upside down for had broken her promises to me and returned to someone she had complained of abusing her verbally and emotionally for years. I'd like to say that if the girlfriend showed up at my place tomorrow - technically, she could, she still has a key to my apartment - I'd turn her away. I can't say for sure what I'd really do, and hope I don't find out. That's a big part of what I'm in counseling and the outpatient program for, to get help moving on with my life and recommitting to my marriage.

I had demanded immediate marriage counseling for both of us so that I could return home as quickly as possible, but with more time to think, I have backed off from that demand. One of the things I expect from her is that she admit her faults too - if the marriage had been great I never would have had reason to look elsewhere - instead of blaming the entire problem on me. I was mostly to blame, and I made the biggest mistakes, but she can't say she's blameless. For now I'm willing to do what she asked and focus on healing myself so I and my psych problems aren't so difficult for her to deal with. When I feel I'm stable and ready to recommit I will ask again for couple's therapy, or ideally she will see sufficient improvement in me to ask me herself. No matter what happens, it's going to take time.