That partly why I am still having problems with my mom is because I am still angry. I really thought I wasn't anymore. I thought I dealt with it well and moved on. But thinking today about her visiting this weekend for Easter brought too many negative feelings to surface.

I am really mad at her for abandoning me when I was 14. I'm angry that she moved to Saudi Arabia, and left me here on the streets to fend for myself. I'm angry that while I was having tons of psychosis and mania , she left me here. I am angry that even tho I never bring it up to her or mention it, the few times she has brought it up, she blamed me because the government forced her to return to Canada when I was 17 or be faced with abandonment charges. I am angry that that's all she can see. I'm angry that I got raped during that time, yes it could have happened anyways, but it was also a result of being homeless and unprotected. Ugggh.... Sorry I am just so angry right now. There is way too many things to be angry about, things that didn't have to happen. I know it isn't right to hold grudges. I dunno maybe it will always come back.

I thought I put this stuff behind me, not forgot but sort of at peace. Guess not . I just need to let it out cause I'm sitting here in tears, shampooing my carpet for a lady that cares what about me ?