Smoking is a crutch and the nicotine does have a temporary calming effect. That's why it's so easy to get addicted to. It's damn near impossible to quit unless you have absolute resolve. I've watched my friend try and quit a few times and failed each time. (She's been smoking for 2-3 years now)

Most medication that helps with aggression tend to "blunt" your feelings to a degree. I had a "cloud" effect with depakote but I know it's not the same for everyone. Honestly, a good therapist would probably do you a lot of help.