Thank you,

I feel kind of embarrassed that I posted this now. I feel a bit better this morning. I guess it does take repeats. I thought I was really done with it. I can forgive people and I know how. I thought I did forgive her, maybe still feeling anger once in a blue moon doesn't mean I havent forgiven.

I just usually don't think about it anymore. My parents made a lot of mistakes but I know they are just people. I know my mom was going through her own stuff. I'm sure she probably feels sorry inside, for whatever reason she can't say it to me or show it. I realize she has a lot of problems stemming from her own upbringing.

It's harder for me to understand what she did now that my children are reaching that age. I can't even imagine doing that to them.

I worked hard on not feeling like I am from the wrong side of the tracks, or an imposter trying to fit in with functional people, people that have it together, financially stable ect. I've always felt like a fake somehow. I can feel those thoughts getting stronger. Thats what I want not to happen. I work hard to get where I am, I am not a fake. Just have to keep telling myself that. Does anyone else ever feel like that? When I was in group therapy, I was the only person who felt like that.

Thank you again for the support and kind words, when I was a kid my parents taught me that it was wrong to be angry, more wrong to express it. I've never felt comfortable being angry, usually I just immediately feel guilty.

Trippin, I'm really sorry to hear that happened

I have one heck of a time getting benzos. Even when I really need them for sleep when I'm manic. If I'm acutely manic my pdoc will give me a few. I haven't had a substance abuse problem since I was a teen. It was with prescriptions tho. I'm not sure if that's why, but even when I go to the walkin clinic it's a no go. My boyfriend can get them for sleep no problem. Really I don't know what the deal is. I know studies in Canada say females abuse benzos at a much higher rate, not sure if that has something to do with it.