omg thank to all of you for the amazing show of reason and support.i do feel a lot better today and resolve to try to communicate all this to my T ill try.going now to give some attention to some other posters in need of hugs.thanks guys and any ideas on how to get past this irrational terror of the spoken word that doesn't involve texting,e-mail, snail mailing,or handing her a letter to read(all not allowed)voiced words only, would be greatly accepted.