It sounds to me like you are doing a fall-back on your marriage, it was not first choice. I don't know why you are continuing in the marriage if you were willing to move on to something else. I do not see how you can stop hurting your wife and regain her marital trust with that attitude; why might you not choose this again if someone else comes along?

That you word it that your lover ended the affair but then try to give yourself credit as cutting off contact to save your marriage; they cannot both be true. Your lover cut off contact/ended the affair. That you did not continue to try and pressure her and pursue her after that does not add much positive to your story. Instead of the classic double-bind example of "have you quit beating your wife?" I'm forced to think, "have you quit cheating on your wife" only in your case, it does not sound like a double bind question?