I used to do that. Force myself to go out, thinking that it was the best strategy, and better than sitting at home alone. But no matter where I went I always experience heightened levels of anxiety in social situations. It's not so bad if you are out with someone, but when you are by yourself; relaxing, letting go, and having a good time can be very difficult, as self consciousness and social awkwardness act as barriers to communication.

I'm a friendly guy, and despite being a chronic loner and a social recluse, I sometimes crave companionship and the experience of interacting with other people. But this damn anxiety and social awkwardness has made it very difficult, and at times virtually impossible. I've never been able to understand extroverted, social people, they are completely alien to me. Being able to mix freely and effortlessly with large numbers of people in a social context is an ability which has always puzzled me and which I admire, as it is one which I have never had.

I've been a loner for so many years now, sometimes I wish I could just be a different person. I am tired of being alone.