Many good points, all of which leave me looking bad. All I can say is I'm trying to get back together with my wife for the sake of the vows I took and the love we once had. Something kept us together for 20 years. I'm trying to preserve that tiny spark and help it grow back into something we can call love.

For all those who have piled on to tell me I'm wrong - you are absolutely correct. What I'm trying to figure out is what I can do about being wrong to move past it and back into a relationship solid enough that the question will never rise again. I know she will never fully trust me again. I've accepted that as part of the consequences of my actions. She knows about my feelings for my lover, about our marriage plans, and about all the nights we spent together, but she is still willing to give me the barest chance to prove myself again. I don't want to blow that chance by being unable to get past my feelings for the other woman.