Quote:
Originally Posted by bowhunt72
Many good points, all of which leave me looking bad. All I can say is I'm trying to get back together with my wife for the sake of the vows I took and the love we once had. Something kept us together for 20 years. I'm trying to preserve that tiny spark and help it grow back into something we can call love.
For all those who have piled on to tell me I'm wrong - you are absolutely correct. What I'm trying to figure out is what I can do about being wrong to move past it and back into a relationship solid enough that the question will never rise again. I know she will never fully trust me again. I've accepted that as part of the consequences of my actions. She knows about my feelings for my lover, about our marriage plans, and about all the nights we spent together, but she is still willing to give me the barest chance to prove myself again. I don't want to blow that chance by being unable to get past my feelings for the other woman.
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I don't think you are bad at all.
I hope I didn't come off that way.
Did my post read as if I was piling on the wrong?
(I am not going to punish you...you are getting punished enough IRL)
Personally, I don't believe in the idea of marriage if there is no solid (truly solid) foundation or once the trust is gone.
The person that doesn't trust will never fully be able to forgive, and the person that lost the trust, will spend the rest of their lives trying to "make it up" to the other person in spades. Life is too short.
And in your profession, I suspect your estranged wife is punishing you to the hilt, including telling every single person you know about what happened (it's a very small community, right?). She may even sleep with one of your buddies to get back with you. Do you want to live like that? Be at the mercy of someone else?
(as far as staying for the "vows", that reads good on paper but really? The REAL thing is getting the forgiveness from yourself. Not your SO. Then you can take a next step)