If we're going to be honest, then let's be honest. There are two sides to every story, and this story does not involve a completely innocent person being wronged by a completely guilty person. Pretending it does, and trying to repair the marriage on that basis, would itself be dishonest. No, the blame isn't 50/50. It's probably more like 90/10, with 90% of the fault mine. But if this is going to have any chance to work, everybody has to come clean.