Quote:
Originally Posted by bowhunt72
If we're going to be honest, then let's be honest. There are two sides to every story, and this story does not involve a completely innocent person being wronged by a completely guilty person. Pretending it does, and trying to repair the marriage on that basis, would itself be dishonest. No, the blame isn't 50/50. It's probably more like 90/10, with 90% of the fault mine. But if this is going to have any chance to work, everybody has to come clean.
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You asked for punishment, and you are getting it. Infidelity is a very sore subject for a lot of people. You are going to get pummeled. Gosh, a president was literally almost impeached for it! yet all the other stuff gets swept under the rug (war, death, criminal acts, etc etc). You are intelligent. You know that.
And of course it doesn't involve one completely innocent person...but that is the way you are writing it...and you are writing as though she is the victim and you are the "bad guy" begging for mercy and forgiveness. It's a tough crowd when it comes to infidelity. And you forgot! There are 3 parties involved here.
So why are you being so hard on yourself?
- It's your nature to protect and save people and sacrifice for others, right?
- Also, you are a total adreneline guy, correct?
Bow, what is in your way past? Who are you without your profession? Who are you without your lover? THAT is what you should focus on.
*****
I am so sorry that you are grieving and your heart and health have been affected. I also think that your wife is very nice to "support" you while you are down and not abandon you (Christian of her).
But seriously, think about it, if she is receiving religious assistance (and not therapy or in addition to therapy), what type of person would she be if she did leave when you were ill. She is playing the martyr. Is she praying for you with her group, too?
I do believe that your first priority is getting well. working on yourself. forgiving yourself. you have a problem. you were in love with someone that wasn't your wife (you aren't the first. and won't be the last).
Also, I haven't read anywhere re: your anger and hurt, resentment, PAIN, regarding your True Love abandoning you after all you were willing to sacrifice? and that it seems like you were "saving her" from a life of torment and abuse from the other guy; yet, she chose to re-set that fire anyway (leaving you to continue to worry, and all the while, still manipulating, leaving the door open to you, just in case, it gets bad enough for her to leave him...you can save the day).
And she chose him over you for $?
Both she and your estranged (benevolent) wife sound like real prizes. I'd say 33% across the board.
You have a lot to unravel, my Friend. I wish you all the very best. I really hope you will find yourself. Take care
