Melissa - yes, I have asked what my wife wants. She has told me she wants the marriage to work, and other times she has been not so sure. She has said she's not ready for me to be back in her life 24/7, so I continue to live in my apartment and we see each other occasionally or talk on the phone. What she wants is for me to heal and find more support for myself before she will commit to working on the marriage.

Rose - you are absolutely right, this is a tough crowd, but like you say, I asked for it. As for the True Love, the Other Woman...deep breath...

Yes, I am hurting badly because of her choice. To make it as short as possible, she is a nurse. A number of years ago she was injured at work. She was prescribed pain medication, and became dependent on it. She eventually resorted to stealing drugs to feed her addiction and got caught. She was sent to treatment in lieu of conviction for two felony charges of stealing controlled substances. Her nursing license was suspended. At the time we met up again, she was finishing up 3 years clean, completing her obligation, and waiting on her nursing license to be reinstated. Her boyfriend of 12 years, 16 years older than her, treated her like **** the entire time. He called her a fat lazy slob, a worthless drug addict, and worse. They had not been intimate in over two years. I complimented her on losing the weight while he called her a fat slob. I gave her trust when he accused her of stealing from him. I supported her getting her license back when he said it would never happen. I gave her sincere love and affection when he would barely speak to her and hadn't touched her in years. I have never met the guy, just spoken to him on the phone, and he is a prize *******. And when the chips were down, we were both as we said to each other "all in". He thought she was leaving me to stay with him although we were still seeing each other. Someone, I have no idea who, called him and ratted us out. He confronted her...and she caved and stayed with him. She had been living with him, and he had money. I was about to be broke from a divorce and thought we were living on love.

Yeah, that hurt. A lot. And realizing that I had wrecked my marriage for someone who let me down when it was time to make a tough decision hurt even worse. The next morning, after waking up alone in our bed, I collapsed. I had a major crash, went suicidal, and wound up in the hospital.

So that's my story, the part about me getting hurt. All of you who see only that I was guilty of infidelity, enjoy yourselves. To those of you who remember that this is a support forum, thanks for listening. This is the situation I have forced my wife to deal with. She's not ready to take me back, not by a long shot. I have a lot of healing and straightening myself out to do before she will even let me try to work on the marriage.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm off work and going to the hospital three days a week for group therapy. I'm trying to heal and improve myself, and even trying to forgive myself as my wife has asked me to.