Don't feel bad. I'm still lost at 43. I remember in 3rd grade we all had to do a speech on what we wanted to be when we grew up. I couldn't think of anything. I forget what it was I finally chose. Something I made up. And I have made little progress to this day. In my case it might very well be from being an ACOA and my dad's constant ridicule and rejection of my needs. Or maybe it's being an introvert and HSP. But I can't figure out how to change it. I am doomed to take whatever drudgery job falls my way otherwise. So I really don't have any advice only to tell you to beware of some underlying cause that is making it difficult for you to figure this out. Some ingrained thought process. If you don't tackle it now, it may haunt you for life.