It made it better because I was giving myself a voice. T gave me the email so I would have a container for that voice. But I had to write it out. The other option was keeping it inside and suffereing. It was very bad. I still use those emails if I have a flashback - like I did earlier this week. I have sent my T 20 emails before in one day. But I needed them. I had to get the poison out of my being. Someone had to know what I was going through WHILE I was going through it. I would say stuff like "Venting email - flashback in progress - thank you for holding this space"
and then I let it ALL out. I wrote without checking spelling. I wrote without any filters at all. I just wrote whatever it was until I had no more words. Then I would send it and go cry. Then after a while I might email again - same process.
I would do this as often as I needed to do it until the flashback was over and I had given my pain a voice. And it helped out more than anyone can ever know. My T knew it would. And he gave me a gift by letting me do that. It is not a gift every T can give a client. And the client has to understand that those emails may never be read and may not be answered at all. But the emails are there as a way to give us the space we need in order to heal.