Hi, I'm 17 years old and I feel like ****. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety by a psychologist. I went to therapy and it helped for a few hours after every session, however, the feelings would return afterwards. It's hard to explain how I'm feeling. It's confusing. I feel depressed, yet I feel like there is this repressed anger or rage in me. When I'm feeling this way, I start crying and thinking about hurting myself. And I've hurt myself in the past and I thought i was over it, but I ended cutting myself two weeks ago. Last night, I was fine. I took a nap and I woke up disorented and angry and I saw my cat and thought about hurting it. I've never had those kinds of thoughts directed to any other living thing but myself. I feel ashamed for even thinking about it, but something brought me back to reality. A few hours later, I was thinking about that and I burst out crying because I feel like my unstable emotions are affecting me. I told my parents about it but they didn't do anything, I thought they were taking me to therapy but they took me to a physician because they thought I was physically sick and that could be playing a role in my emotions. I'm not sick, though. I feel mentally unstable and distressed. I punched a wall this morning and threw a bottle across the room because I've never felt this kind of anger and sadness before. And whenever I'm like this, I start thinking about everything that's wrong in the world and how I wish I could fix it but I can't. I also start thinking that I'm a nuisance and that's why no one likes me or wants to talk to me. I have a boyfriend and it's not his fault and he's a good person, but when Im feeling like this, most things he says pisses me off. Most things people say piss me off when I'm experience this kind of mental turmoil. I don't know what wrong with me...I don't have that many friends and sometimes I feel lonely. And I can't hang out with my boyfriend because we're in a long distance relationship. And my parents are Jesus freaks and think I'm acting like this because of my age. And they also tell me that I need Jesus in my life. And I don't really trust them, they're closed-minded and whenever I tell them something, they're either against it or tell me I need to pray. Like when I told them about my LDR, they say I shouldn't be dating and that I'm not ready to have a boyfriend. I don't get along with my mom, either. I feel so alone and that's why I'm here...looking for help. And please don't tell me to do things I like because I've tried it before and it doesn't really work. Plus, I don't have that many hobbies. And since I'm always anxious, eating has become a great part of my daily routine. I've gained weight because I guess eating makes me feel better or makes me forget about stuff. I'm not overweight or obese but I will be if i don't get help. And I don't want to talk to any school counselor because that's going to make things more difficult. And yes, I've had suicidal thoughts. I was having them last night. And btw, whatever I'm feeling usually lasts for a few hours or one or two days. Then I'm back to normal until another relapse. This usually happens whenever I'm home...and that's like everyday, except when I go to school.I feel like I'm asphyxiating. Is rocking back and forth sign of a mental problem or something? Because I do that a lot...It makes me feel better. I don't know what's wrong....if someone has experienced these symptoms or is still experiencing them and has an idea as to what it is, please tell me...I'm going insane. I couldn't stop crying and I've even missed school because of it.