As for it feeling violent....or against your wishes...it doesn't have to be that way....that does sound like pushing yourself into situations that you don't really want....which you don't have to....your not obliged. Just get to know someone and if you want to have a sexual relationship with them....get to know each others bodies etc....do what makes both of you feel good....that's the whole point....just do what feels right...you don't have to lie there while someone masturbates into you....that's not what having a good sex life is about....