I am sorry to hear that you are suffering, I do believe that you are confused, and feel ungrounded at this time.
I am a sympathetic person, I do not judge, and I would look to the truth to find reason for your actions.

I do believe that this marriage is broken beyond repair due to your actions, for this you must grieve.
If you force your wife to remain and rebuild, you will never be solid.
Let the divorce go through, so your wife and you can have a sense of closure. A sense of finality and coming to terms with all this marriage has endured, feelings, the sum experience . Over time expressed good/bad and now is done/over. What have you learned?
This does'nt mean that this love/relationship is over.
If you could start new how would you do things differently?
You need to show not tell your wife ex/wife who you are by your actions.
You need to support your wife and children by being the best man you can be. And be happy with that.