My Support Forums - View Single Post - Does elevation (mania) scare anyone else?

Irreplaceable · Apr 06, 2012, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

SO posting when I'm up or down (not attack mode) I't makes me feel better when at 2 in the morning u reflect on your day and see what an a.. You've been and what u called/ told u'r husband or child. It was horrifying at first when I realised what I actually said to my 4 year old and how I behaved and then because I felt guilty I would comfort her, no wonder she is confused and has starting biting her nails ( I am better now and her behaviour has improved ) the nail bite thing stills continues - any advice????

Chihuahua, I believe you created a thread about your kids. I don't know where you are in your self awareness journey so please don't be offended if what i tell you is something you already know. When you feel yourself getting angry or a meltdown coming, try to walk away. I know that when you have kids it's hard to not do things in front of them. Just try to notice more when you are getting to that point and restrain yourself as much as you can. This can be scary for a 4 yr old which I'm sure you already know. I feel guilt, unbareable guilt after I blow up in front of my daughter. She is 6. There have been a few times that I have sat her down and tried to explain in a way that she understands, that what I do is wrong and I'm sick. I explain to her that she should not act that way when she doesn't get her way or gets upset, and neither should I. When she gets older we will continue to have this talk so that she understands as much as humanly possible that some of the things I do and say, at times I can't control it. Right now I'm not on meds, but my daughter is enough to make me want them.

My dad has PTSD and I believe he is also bipolar. He has meltdowns that you wouldn't believe. Talks about killing everyone in the house and himself. He has literally attacked people in public. Example, in a fit of rage road on one of his off days, he punched a guy. We always saw him get violent and hurt people. The look on his face when he "goes there" is that of a man that looks insane literally. As a child this frighetened me. Can you imagine being a kid and see your parent, who you adore, act like that? The s*** scared me so much I would pee on myself when he would go into attack mode and attack everyone, including me. I keep that forever logged in my head. He will sit there and laugh when he tells stories about that to other people.

Try to stop yourself and leave the house when you feel it coming. There are times that I just left the house to "cool down" and return when I feel better. I know we can't always stop ourselves...Just try to stop yourself. I can notice when I'm getting to that point. When I feel it coming, I leave. Sometimes. I'm trying to get to most times.