I'm glad that you're not pushing your kids, but I hope that you and your wife are not wrong about what is actually good for them (i.e., parents together in a stable relationship). My father stayed at home (guest room) after his hospitalization because my mother is a very caring person and, strangely, he was more emotionally damaged after the affair. But, honestly, we did not want him there and this was unhealthy for us. We finally asked my mother to ask him to leave...we were old enough to understand that my mother was not his first choice, and he pretty much had nowhere else to go (like you, he considered the woman of his affair to be his true love). Your children also are old enough to understand this and, given this day and age, probably much more sophisticated than my sister and I were. Had my mother not asked him to leave and divorced him, it would have been even more damaging. Personally, I wanted her to be able to find someone who considered her to be his true love....staying together for the sake of the kids, I'm just not sure this works unless this is really what they want.

I'm glad they are open to seeing you and spending time with you and think this is a good sign.

I'm curious...since you call the other woman your true love, why do you really want to go back with your wife...don't you both deserve to find true love....? It doesn't sound like you can find it with each other....maybe working on a friendship with no expectations will have an even better result....just something to consider. Now, after 20 years, I can honestly say that my parents were never a good match. They never should have been together. I just wish that divorce had been more acceptable back in the 70s as they propably could have parted on friendlier terms.