I dont understand. ive been here many times. couple of other forums. over a period of a year. i just talk about my experiences. here i am thrown into the hospital twice in two months. well once but i landed in the ER heading for committal anyway. i got out. by luck maybe? so i comply with meds for awhile. i stop it. ok..i stop it for side effects but took it during the hospital. it didnt help inside. dont shun me but i lied to get out. i still took the meds. but i do not want to be in those places. so i lied to get out. meds didnt help that much anyway. im on a medium cocktail. the number lying straight in the middle of 1-10. between 4 and 6.

so why do i feel in distress still? will i never get answers? i can take being alone. i cant take feeling in distress. as the meds didnt help paranoia. it just didnt. i think im getting severely antsy or fed up with everything that has happened i mean just for the answers. i feel cheated and F'd over so much. it makes me...how to put it really kindly...not want to be kind to people. except it on the other side of the negative spectrum. just putting it nicely but still starts with a k.