Hi puffyprue. It sounds like you are angry? I don't really know you or your specific situation. So I don't really know what it is you are angry about, but I'd be curious to know if you wanted to share that. As for what you did to deserve this? My own opinion is that nobody "deserves" to suffer. Yet we all do. And some way more than others! However, I don't think it is "done" to us. I think it just happens. Humans are often cruel. Bad things happen to really good people every day. As for God, I don't see God as doing things to people. I don't think God "works" that way. I think my best feeling of God is that God is love, and I do believe that love is healing to people. But if you believe differently, and you are angry at God, then I think that is ok. I hope you will find some healing along the way also.

Either way, I guess what I'm trying to say is I am sorry you are feeling badly. I appreciate your sharing this on here and hope you are feeling better soon!